You kept calling me your small dog last night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
