Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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