I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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