Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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