i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
