Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You were trust falling into bushes
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