i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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