Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize