You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you never un-have a 4some
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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