he thought i was a dude.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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