How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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