So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
