so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
