Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
