I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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