Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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