This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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