i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
As shirtless as possible
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
