Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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