just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize