Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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