P.S. I can't hear my feet
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize