hotel room ftw
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
