im about as happy as oj after his trial
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
