You can't motorboat a personality
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
