I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
