you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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