i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
