At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
