Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
