fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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