Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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