I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
