ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
