that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
