I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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