and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
