we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
