A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
