Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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