Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
