I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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