Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
