sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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