i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
50% drunk capacity currently
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
