lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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