fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize