Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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