we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
