woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize