So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
