Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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