I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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