I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
