Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
