wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
