this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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