There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
