wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
