i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
lets start a swedish sibling band together
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you had me at cake vodka
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
