I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize