omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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