I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
