Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
