I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
