i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
