Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm just crazy horny about you
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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