I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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