walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
