plz talk dirty to me
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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