I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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