i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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